R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find Out What It Means to Your Dog
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Aretha Franklin made a classic hit come alive with her cover of the song “RESPECT” in 1967. But it not only applies to the respect we would all like to have in our human relationships. The same theories about respecting the ones we’re with make sense in our human-canine relationships too.
Traditional dog training techniques of the early- to mid-1900’s focused primarily on strong “alpha” and “dominant” roles and disciplining a dog in harsh ways when he was disobedient. It’s a good thing I wasn’t training when these methods were the primary methods used. Why would I want to cause any friend or companion of mine to feel they were obligated to respond to me out of fear that if they didn’t, they would be punished? But much like everything else, times have changed! And thankfully, so have dog-training methods. |
Today’s dog training is focused much more on the relationship between human and dog, and solidifying that human-canine bond through respect. This makes learning and interaction FUN, and the dog wants to work with his owner because he genuinely feels the happiness his owner feels when he does the right thing. And those treats, toys, playtime, and other rewards don’t sound too bad either. That’s not to say that everything is always going to be entirely positive all the time. Mistakes are going to be made and consequences are going to be had. For example, if a dog jumps up on a person for attention and that person walks away disgusted, that is a natural consequence that the dog’s behavior was unacceptable, but it’s not entirely positive – the dog gets the opposite of what he wants! Though there is no real harm or physical/emotional discomfort to be had. You can still employ structured, respectful methods that clearly indicate your needs, desires and rules to your dog without being an overbearing, militant-style, heavy-on-the-correction handler (which could ultimately be a detriment to your human-canine bond).
What does R-E-S-P-E-C-T mean in regards to your dog? I look at it like this...
Real relationships Equal a Shared Perspective of how Everything Comes Together
Now what does all of that mean for you?
Real relationships Equal a Shared Perspective of how Everything Comes Together
Now what does all of that mean for you?
Let’s face it – we all get along better with someone when that person respects our needs and feelings. And we really don’t like hanging out with people who we find condescending, or who think they know it all and don’t ever listen to us, or always put their own needs before ours. Or worse, people who scare us and make us feel unsafe - like if we don’t do what they say, they will turn on us. A relationship built on respect can go the long haul; and a human-canine relationship is no different.
This means laying down the rules in a confident way that shows you know what you’re doing, but not becoming so overbearing that your dog starts to think you’re crazy (who wants to work with a crazy person anyway?). This includes being thoughtful not to raise your voice or your hand to your dog. You don’t have to be loud to communicate to your dog – dogs have great hearing and can hear a whisper from a hundred yards away. So raising your voice or a hand to your dog will only make her extremely confused and scared. Have you ever noticed after you’ve yelled at your dog that she sulks back to you with her ears pinned back, her head low with big eyes looking up at you (or averting your gaze like she’s not worthy of your love), and a tail between her legs? This is not helpful in cultivating a harmonious relationship with your dog; instead, raising your voice or hand causes your dog to fear you.
You will have a better long-term relationship with your dog if you build her UP instead of break her down. Instead of yelling at your dog for doing something wrong, try setting her up to do something right by showing her what you’d like her TO DO instead. For example, instead of yelling “no!” when she tries jumping on the counter, work on teaching her to sit calmly next to you while you are preparing dinner. Most dogs just want to know what they can do to please you, the problem is that they aren’t mind-readers! So telling them all the things they shouldn’t do doesn’t go as far as teaching them the things they should do. Once your dog knows what the right choice is, she’ll want to do make that choice again and again to keep you happy!
This means laying down the rules in a confident way that shows you know what you’re doing, but not becoming so overbearing that your dog starts to think you’re crazy (who wants to work with a crazy person anyway?). This includes being thoughtful not to raise your voice or your hand to your dog. You don’t have to be loud to communicate to your dog – dogs have great hearing and can hear a whisper from a hundred yards away. So raising your voice or a hand to your dog will only make her extremely confused and scared. Have you ever noticed after you’ve yelled at your dog that she sulks back to you with her ears pinned back, her head low with big eyes looking up at you (or averting your gaze like she’s not worthy of your love), and a tail between her legs? This is not helpful in cultivating a harmonious relationship with your dog; instead, raising your voice or hand causes your dog to fear you.
You will have a better long-term relationship with your dog if you build her UP instead of break her down. Instead of yelling at your dog for doing something wrong, try setting her up to do something right by showing her what you’d like her TO DO instead. For example, instead of yelling “no!” when she tries jumping on the counter, work on teaching her to sit calmly next to you while you are preparing dinner. Most dogs just want to know what they can do to please you, the problem is that they aren’t mind-readers! So telling them all the things they shouldn’t do doesn’t go as far as teaching them the things they should do. Once your dog knows what the right choice is, she’ll want to do make that choice again and again to keep you happy!
To get your dog to see you as a respectable leader:
- Say what you mean and mean what you say. Dogs have an uncanny ability of knowing when we mean business and when we are just saying something. The words may come out of your mouth, but your body and energy may be lacking the conviction. Sometimes you truly have to act offended when your dog does something inappropriate (like jumping up on you) and walk away from her - not just tell her she shouldn’t have done that as you continue to give her pets.
- Stick to your guns. If you have a persistent pup like I do, she’s going to keep trying to do things her way. That means you have to be even more persistent at holding up your end of the bargain. If you back down and let her get away with things, or change your mind frequently, you are telling her that you’re not a very powerful or respectable leader. How many of us trust and respect leaders that promise one thing to get elected and then that all goes by the wayside once they hold office? Exactly. It’s easier to respect someone that follows through and stands by their decisions. When you ask your dog to do something, mean it and follow through. You don’t have to be mean about it, just confident and directive like you know what you’re doing.
- Be consistent. If you don’t want to see a behavior, don’t allow your dog to do it sometimes and then try to tell her no at other times. This can easily cause confusion, and your dog won’t be sure what is right or wrong. The same is true for good behavior. The more consistent you are at recognizing your dog when she makes the right choices, the more she’s going to want to make those right choices again!
- The same is true for other members of your family or anyone else who may interact with your dog. Be sure those people understand your rules. They should not allow the dog to jump up on them if your rule is no jumping. Just as you wouldn’t like someone undermining your authority as a parent, don’t let them undermine your authority as a responsible pet parent.
- Set your pup up for success by limiting her options when you can't take the time to train her, and then making the time to teach her what the appropriate response or behavior is. Let’s say you have young children, and along with young children come young children’s toys with many small parts or stuffing. For your dog’s safety (and also to protect your child’s toys), it’s important to teach your new pup that these toys are off-limits. If you deny your dog access to these toys when you’re not watching her, she can’t swallow or tear them apart (and have an opportunity to practice unwanted or harmful behavior) before you have the chance to notice. When you can watch her, you can notice when she attempts to go near these toys and redirect her to something she can play with instead, like one of her own toys or a bone.
- Use a confident tone of voice and body language. Stand up straight when you are asking your dog to do something, rather than hunching over your dog, and use a confident, matter-of-fact tone. Think of a sentence that has a period at the end (“Lady, sit.”). We’re not questioning the dog (“Lady, sit?”), and if we do the dog will comprehend that there is wiggle room in her response. If you mean business, say it politely but like there’s no room for negotiation.
- Be patient and give your dog a chance to process. If she didn’t respond to you the first time, chances are high that there’s something else at play here – either she doesn’t consistently know the skill around that level of distraction, or she was still processing what was happening around her and that’s why it took a minute for her to process your request. Give her a chance to try to figure it out on her own. If she still can’t respond after a little bit of time has passed, give her a little hint and try again, or break the lesson down into smaller pieces that will be easier for her to understand.
- Use as few words as possible when giving your dog direction, but praise can be lavishly applied whenever she makes the right choice. We all respond better when the direction is clear, especially if we’re not speaking the same language. So choose your words to be simple terms that your dog knows and can have more success responding to. I.e. “Lady, go place” versus “Lady, sweetie, why don’t you go lay down over there on your mat while I cut up these carrots for dinner.” For praise, however, if you say anything that comes to your mind in a happy tone and with enthusiastic body language, your dog may not know what you're saying but she will know it means she did something right (and she'll want to do it again)!
- "Mom/Dad first." In the dog world, it’s natural for the leader to go first and the others then follow. In establishing your role as leader of your household, it’s a good idea to practice situations where your dog has to wait patiently for her turn (which also builds patience and self-control – two valuable skills for your dog to possess anyway!). For example, ask your dog to sit at a door and wait for you to release her to go out with you, instead of letting her run out the door as soon as it opens. Or have her wait to eat until you sit down to dinner, and you can even ask her to earn her food by performing a couple of skills (like down, stay, or whatever other fun thing you teach your dog) and getting to eat is her reward. The idea being that if she works with you, you’ll be happy to work with her too!
So what do you do if you started with a pup and didn’t know then what you know now? What if your dog doesn’t see you as the leader in the household? What if you and your dog need some remedial work to get rid of some bad habits that have already been established? The good news is, you CAN turn these bad habits around! It just takes a healthy dose of patience, understanding, structure, and clear communication. But if you’re willing to accept this responsibility and really want to do right by your dog (which will result in more pleasantries for you and harmony in your household), I have faith that you will get there if you set your mind to it! And I can help!
Remember, if you provide clear communication and respectable leadership roles, you'll have a much stronger chance of success than if you have unrealistic expectations and use anger or frustration to drive your interaction with your dog. Contact me at (845) 549-0896 or [email protected] - together we can help you gain and keep your dog's respect and thereby create harmony for all of you!
Remember, if you provide clear communication and respectable leadership roles, you'll have a much stronger chance of success than if you have unrealistic expectations and use anger or frustration to drive your interaction with your dog. Contact me at (845) 549-0896 or [email protected] - together we can help you gain and keep your dog's respect and thereby create harmony for all of you!
Written by Maria Huntoon, Maria G. Huntoon Canine Consulting Services
