Welcome Home, Lady! Now What?
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You’ve just welcomed a new pup into your family – congratulations! Maybe Lady is a young puppy of 8 weeks and she’s brand new to the world; or maybe she’s a 3-year-old that you rescued from a life on the streets. Either way, being a responsible dog parent to Lady is similar in many ways to being a responsible parent to any child. Of course you want your new addition to be happy, you want to shower her with love and affection, and you want to make sure that she follows some of your simple rules: don’t go potty in the house, don’t tear up your belongings, listen when you give her a command, and cuddle with you as often as possible! But if you’re like many new dog owners (or new parents, for that matter!), you might be thinking “OK, but where do I start?” |
Whether Lady is your first pup or you’ve had dogs all your life, it’s easy to get caught up in the allure of a new pup. She’s so cute! And innocent! Just look at those eyes! You might be tempted to let her get away with things because she pulls at your heartstrings. Especially when she looks completely crushed if you don’t share your pizza with her. But the truth is, one of the best and kindest things you can do for Lady is to give her the clear boundaries and understanding for the rules that she craves right from the beginning. It’s more than a craving actually – leadership is what all dogs NEED in order to thrive and live harmoniously with humans. In the absence of this leadership, your new pup can go from being an angel to a terror very quickly, and this behavior is harder to reverse the longer you let it occur. So allow your pup a little bit of flexibility during the first week or two as she acclimates to her new home (see “Tips for the First Week Home” below), but then it’s time to put her “puppy card” up on the shelf and kindly communicate with her what your expectations are. You must learn how to happily welcome your new four-legged friend without undermining your authority.
Even if your new family addition is an older dog and not a baby, it’s still important that you set clear boundaries and provide clear direction and feedback to help your new member understand the new set of rules. Depending on what her previous upbringing was, the rules may have changed. For example, perhaps Lady was allowed on the furniture in her previous home but you don’t allow pets in your bed. Or if Lady spent the previous years of her life on a farm, she may not be used to walking on leash, but since you live in a town environment with sidewalks and leash laws, Lady will need to be on leash. And what if Lady is a rescue dog? She may never have had someone to housetrain her – so even though she is two years old, she doesn’t know how to hold her bladder and is having accidents in your home. It’s always a good idea to start at the beginning with any new dog you have, even if she is full-grown. If you start setting a foundation from the ground up, you’ll have a much stronger chance of success than if you jump too far ahead and find Lady making too many mistakes that you now have to fix.
Common puppy behavior?
There are some behaviors that are common in young or inexperienced pups, like chewing on your furniture, barking, chasing the cat or playing rough with other pets, and peeing in the house. If your pup doesn’t know any better, it’s not fair to tell her “NO!” or yell at her for doing something that is natural to her nature. This will only confuse her and cause her to fear your crazy outbursts. All of these behaviors can be remedied with the proper direction and positive reinforcement training. She just needs to be taught what the acceptable behavior is (like teaching a child how to have manners in a restaurant or in a play group with other kids). Then she will learn to do the right thing and stop trying to do the wrong thing.
On the other hand, there are some other behaviors that are natural for pups, like jumping up and nipping/mouthing at your hands during playtime or when trying to get your attention. But for these you might want to ask yourself this question… How am I going to feel when my adult dog, full-grown and with grown-up teeth, practices these behaviors? If the behavior is something you don’t want to see from your adult dog, then it’s important you nip this behavior in the bud (pun intended) and get rid of it quickly. There are underlying reasons for these behaviors, and many of them are much harder to break after your dog has had the opportunity to practice them for months or years on end, and they become more and more intolerable for you as time goes on as well. It’s a double-edged sword. I’ll tell you a story…
I once worked with a family that had a 10-month old Golden Retriever. They had him for 6 months before they contacted me with their problem. He was growling and nipping at their three young boys when they would approach him while he was sleeping, or when he just wanted some space. When I asked them how long this behavior had been going on, they said he was very mouthy with the kids from the time they brought him home. He would nip at them when they were playing too rough with him, wrestling with him on the floor, or he would jump up and nip when they were holding food up in the air. As a puppy, they thought this behavior wasn’t a big deal – they actually thought it was pretty cute. But their perspective really started to change when the dog grew to 70 pounds and acquired his “big dog” teeth. A behavior that was once “pretty cute” now scared them and they feared for their children’s safety. The unfortunate thing is that the dog didn’t know that what he was doing was wrong – nobody ever taught him. They didn’t redirect him or re-evaluate his needs – they just let him continue to do it. Until one day they decided it wasn’t acceptable. By the time I got to them, they were yelling at the dog when he exhibited this behavior, which only made his arousal level rise as he grew more confused – which wasn’t getting them anywhere. They ultimately decided this behavior was too much work to fix and they re-homed the dog.
Now, I’m not blaming this family. I’m sure they just didn’t understand how a lack of consistent leadership and direction to the dog would result in this bad habit months down the line. But that’s why I’m sharing this story with you, the new pup owner. If this dog had gotten the structure and direction regarding this behavior from the beginning, it would have saved both the dog and the family a lot of frustration and heartache. I’m happy to report he’s now doing much better in a different household and no longer exhibits this tendency. So if you have a dog who has developed bad habits, have no fear – we can reverse them!
Provide confident leadership built on RESPECT instead of fear.
As Aretha says, all relationships can be nurtured with a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T. I mean, let’s face it – we all get along better with someone when that person respects our needs and feelings. And we really don’t like hanging out with people who we find condescending, or who think they know it all and don’t ever listen to us, or who always put their own needs before ours. Or worse, people who scare us and make us feel unsafe - like if we don’t do what they say, they will turn on us. A relationship built on respect can go the long haul; and a human-canine relationship is no different. For more information on this, see my article “R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find Out What It Means to Your Dog”.
What about gender biases – women vs. men? Since dogs speak a different language than we humans do, our body language and tone of voice says the most. Generally speaking, women tend to be more maternal and nurturing to a pup or even an older dog. This means we tend to speak more softly but in a higher pitch, and may even be more lenient on the rules, extending a pup’s “puppy card” sometimes way into adolescence and giving many second chances. We also have a softer way with our body movements – it must be all that yoga working! Men tend to be a little sterner and matter-of-fact with their tone of voice and more commanding with their body language. Men also generally have less patience for chaos and tend to get to business more quickly than women do. Which behavior says “the most in-charge” to you?
The truth is, both men and women have an equal ability to establish leadership – it’s more about the conviction, the follow-through and a balance between business and play. You can be caring and playful and kind, just don’t be a pushover. Reading the aforementioned article on RESPECT will give you some good pointers that will work regardless of your gender.
Understanding and meeting your dog's needs - for structure, exercise, attention, food/water, etc.
If you want your dog to take you seriously and listen to you, you need to find out what her needs are and meet those needs in a structured way. A dog whose needs are met is a happy dog that is easier to work with and love.
For example, your dog needs an outlet for her energy. Every dog is different in terms of her energy level, just like people are. Some dogs can be satiated with a 15-minute game of fetch or a half hour walk around the block per day. Yet others require more rigorous activity, like a good hike 2-3 times a week and several short play sessions with you in the yard throughout the day. And some dogs really need a job to do to satiate their energy level – like herding, tracking, or agility. It’s important to find out what kind of energy level your dog has and plan in appropriate physical and mental stimulation each day to give her a productive outlet for this energy. A dog that doesn’t have a productive energy outlet is the dog that runs around the house like a tornado, destroying everything in its path; or seeks out any possible item to chew, like your favorite new pair of Michael Kors heels. A dog whose energy has been satiated appropriately, however, is a dog that is more likely to lay calmly while you have guests over or cuddle with you when you want to watch TV in the evening. A tired dog is a good dog!
TIPS FOR YOUR FIRST WEEK HOME
Since both you and your home environment are novel for your new addition (no matter what her age), it’s important for you to make yourself and your home as pup-friendly as possible for your new friend’s arrival. Here are a few things to keep in mind to make this transition go smoothly:
Remember, if you start setting a foundation from the ground up and provide clear communication and respectable leadership roles, you'll have a much stronger chance of success than if you have unrealistic expectations and find Lady making too many mistakes that you now have to fix. It's important to consult a professional to help you set this right from the beginning. Contact me at (845) 549-0896 or [email protected] and together we can set you on the right path.
Here’s to many happy adventures ahead with your new addition, and a love that lasts a lifetime!
Even if your new family addition is an older dog and not a baby, it’s still important that you set clear boundaries and provide clear direction and feedback to help your new member understand the new set of rules. Depending on what her previous upbringing was, the rules may have changed. For example, perhaps Lady was allowed on the furniture in her previous home but you don’t allow pets in your bed. Or if Lady spent the previous years of her life on a farm, she may not be used to walking on leash, but since you live in a town environment with sidewalks and leash laws, Lady will need to be on leash. And what if Lady is a rescue dog? She may never have had someone to housetrain her – so even though she is two years old, she doesn’t know how to hold her bladder and is having accidents in your home. It’s always a good idea to start at the beginning with any new dog you have, even if she is full-grown. If you start setting a foundation from the ground up, you’ll have a much stronger chance of success than if you jump too far ahead and find Lady making too many mistakes that you now have to fix.
Common puppy behavior?
There are some behaviors that are common in young or inexperienced pups, like chewing on your furniture, barking, chasing the cat or playing rough with other pets, and peeing in the house. If your pup doesn’t know any better, it’s not fair to tell her “NO!” or yell at her for doing something that is natural to her nature. This will only confuse her and cause her to fear your crazy outbursts. All of these behaviors can be remedied with the proper direction and positive reinforcement training. She just needs to be taught what the acceptable behavior is (like teaching a child how to have manners in a restaurant or in a play group with other kids). Then she will learn to do the right thing and stop trying to do the wrong thing.
On the other hand, there are some other behaviors that are natural for pups, like jumping up and nipping/mouthing at your hands during playtime or when trying to get your attention. But for these you might want to ask yourself this question… How am I going to feel when my adult dog, full-grown and with grown-up teeth, practices these behaviors? If the behavior is something you don’t want to see from your adult dog, then it’s important you nip this behavior in the bud (pun intended) and get rid of it quickly. There are underlying reasons for these behaviors, and many of them are much harder to break after your dog has had the opportunity to practice them for months or years on end, and they become more and more intolerable for you as time goes on as well. It’s a double-edged sword. I’ll tell you a story…
I once worked with a family that had a 10-month old Golden Retriever. They had him for 6 months before they contacted me with their problem. He was growling and nipping at their three young boys when they would approach him while he was sleeping, or when he just wanted some space. When I asked them how long this behavior had been going on, they said he was very mouthy with the kids from the time they brought him home. He would nip at them when they were playing too rough with him, wrestling with him on the floor, or he would jump up and nip when they were holding food up in the air. As a puppy, they thought this behavior wasn’t a big deal – they actually thought it was pretty cute. But their perspective really started to change when the dog grew to 70 pounds and acquired his “big dog” teeth. A behavior that was once “pretty cute” now scared them and they feared for their children’s safety. The unfortunate thing is that the dog didn’t know that what he was doing was wrong – nobody ever taught him. They didn’t redirect him or re-evaluate his needs – they just let him continue to do it. Until one day they decided it wasn’t acceptable. By the time I got to them, they were yelling at the dog when he exhibited this behavior, which only made his arousal level rise as he grew more confused – which wasn’t getting them anywhere. They ultimately decided this behavior was too much work to fix and they re-homed the dog.
Now, I’m not blaming this family. I’m sure they just didn’t understand how a lack of consistent leadership and direction to the dog would result in this bad habit months down the line. But that’s why I’m sharing this story with you, the new pup owner. If this dog had gotten the structure and direction regarding this behavior from the beginning, it would have saved both the dog and the family a lot of frustration and heartache. I’m happy to report he’s now doing much better in a different household and no longer exhibits this tendency. So if you have a dog who has developed bad habits, have no fear – we can reverse them!
Provide confident leadership built on RESPECT instead of fear.
As Aretha says, all relationships can be nurtured with a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T. I mean, let’s face it – we all get along better with someone when that person respects our needs and feelings. And we really don’t like hanging out with people who we find condescending, or who think they know it all and don’t ever listen to us, or who always put their own needs before ours. Or worse, people who scare us and make us feel unsafe - like if we don’t do what they say, they will turn on us. A relationship built on respect can go the long haul; and a human-canine relationship is no different. For more information on this, see my article “R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find Out What It Means to Your Dog”.
What about gender biases – women vs. men? Since dogs speak a different language than we humans do, our body language and tone of voice says the most. Generally speaking, women tend to be more maternal and nurturing to a pup or even an older dog. This means we tend to speak more softly but in a higher pitch, and may even be more lenient on the rules, extending a pup’s “puppy card” sometimes way into adolescence and giving many second chances. We also have a softer way with our body movements – it must be all that yoga working! Men tend to be a little sterner and matter-of-fact with their tone of voice and more commanding with their body language. Men also generally have less patience for chaos and tend to get to business more quickly than women do. Which behavior says “the most in-charge” to you?
The truth is, both men and women have an equal ability to establish leadership – it’s more about the conviction, the follow-through and a balance between business and play. You can be caring and playful and kind, just don’t be a pushover. Reading the aforementioned article on RESPECT will give you some good pointers that will work regardless of your gender.
Understanding and meeting your dog's needs - for structure, exercise, attention, food/water, etc.
If you want your dog to take you seriously and listen to you, you need to find out what her needs are and meet those needs in a structured way. A dog whose needs are met is a happy dog that is easier to work with and love.
For example, your dog needs an outlet for her energy. Every dog is different in terms of her energy level, just like people are. Some dogs can be satiated with a 15-minute game of fetch or a half hour walk around the block per day. Yet others require more rigorous activity, like a good hike 2-3 times a week and several short play sessions with you in the yard throughout the day. And some dogs really need a job to do to satiate their energy level – like herding, tracking, or agility. It’s important to find out what kind of energy level your dog has and plan in appropriate physical and mental stimulation each day to give her a productive outlet for this energy. A dog that doesn’t have a productive energy outlet is the dog that runs around the house like a tornado, destroying everything in its path; or seeks out any possible item to chew, like your favorite new pair of Michael Kors heels. A dog whose energy has been satiated appropriately, however, is a dog that is more likely to lay calmly while you have guests over or cuddle with you when you want to watch TV in the evening. A tired dog is a good dog!
TIPS FOR YOUR FIRST WEEK HOME
Since both you and your home environment are novel for your new addition (no matter what her age), it’s important for you to make yourself and your home as pup-friendly as possible for your new friend’s arrival. Here are a few things to keep in mind to make this transition go smoothly:
- “Puppy Proof” your home prior to your new friend’s arrival. This includes hiding electrical cords out of reach, removing fragile valuables from nose and tail height, picking up laundry or children’s toys from the floor, putting lids on garbage cans (or stowing them inside cabinets), and doing a thorough cleaning to remove any clutter (a big pile of paper in the corner is very attractive to a new pup who is looking to chew or pee!).
- Procure the items you need to start off successfully with your new pup and make her feel at home. Regardless of your new addition’s age, this list includes a crate, appropriate chew and interactive toys, bowls, food, leashes and more. See my article “The Best Items for Your New Best Friend” for my specific recommendations.
- Invest in some baby gates to block off areas of the house that your pup will have to earn access to once he has shown he understands the rules (or so he can access these areas only with you and not on his own).
- If you have other pets, take proper steps to ensure a positive introduction to one pet at a time under the best of circumstances (See my article “When Harry Meets Sally - Introducing Your New Dog to Other Pets”)
- Upon first entering your home, allow your pup to walk around the main area of your home on leash as you go with her to explore. Let her take her time to process her new environment – the smells, the sounds, the sights. You don’t need to point specific things out to her, you’re just there for passive support if she needs it.
- Keep your pup in the room with you, within sight and earshot. This is so that you can observe how Lady behaves and get to know her a bit. Does she beg you for attention? Does she explore on her own? If she’s left without direction, does she settle down with a toy on her own or does she start chewing things or barking at you or jumping up on furniture/counters? What is her energy level like? The answers to these questions will provide you with a lot of information about how Lady learns and handles situations, which you can then transfer to her training.
- Be gentle with your pup while she is learning. Remember, if she is misbehaving it is likely not because she wants to do the wrong thing, but because she doesn’t yet know what the right thing is. Give her permission to make mistakes, because she will make them (and you will too). That’s all part of the learning process. Learning isn’t always easy, but if we can break lessons down into small enough pieces for your pup (and you) to understand, you can both build on a foundation of success that will keep getting stronger over time.
- While I’m sure you want to show off your new addition to your friends and family, bombarding Lady with a bunch of people while she is still trying to acclimate to you and her new home can be extremely overwhelming. Keep visitors to a minimum during the first week, and likewise, try not to take your new pup to too many new places until she has settled in at home. Exposing your pup to too much at once can hinder her ability to build confidence. For tips on building a confident pup who can handle social situations with ease and grace, see my article “Creating a Confident Canine Companion”.
- Above all, it’s important to recognize that there’s enough pressure involved in meeting a new person and moving into a new place (from Lady’s perspective); there’s no need to try adding more by jumping in too far too fast. Ease into this new relationship, get to know one another over the next couple of weeks, and it’ll go swimmingly!
Remember, if you start setting a foundation from the ground up and provide clear communication and respectable leadership roles, you'll have a much stronger chance of success than if you have unrealistic expectations and find Lady making too many mistakes that you now have to fix. It's important to consult a professional to help you set this right from the beginning. Contact me at (845) 549-0896 or [email protected] and together we can set you on the right path.
Here’s to many happy adventures ahead with your new addition, and a love that lasts a lifetime!
Written by Maria Huntoon, Maria G. Huntoon Canine Consulting Services
